How To Deal With Moonbat Infestation

March 21, 2005

Moonbat infestation is diminishing as they assert their Choice, but there are still nasty local infestations. To clear these, use the DepletedUranium(TM) Two-Step Take-Out.

STEP 1: IDENTIFY YOUR MOONBAT

It’s as easy as GCAO: Glow-ball, Chews, Ad Hominem, O‘Rourke!

Tell your Possible Moonbat (PM), in a clear and calm voice, that you are American/British/Australian (as the case may be).

A Moonbat will then introduce 1 or more of the following topics – rabid specimens will introduce all 4.

Test 1: Glow-ball vorming (This test is courtesy the late lamented Diplomad)

PM: Ve are very vorried about glow-ball vorming. Vhy aren’t you vorried about glow-ball vorming?

YOU: Huh? You’re worried about worming? Your government is worried about worms? Like with a dog?

PM: Not vorm, vorm! Glow-ball vorming! The vorld is getting hat!

YOU: Oh, global warming. Hot, yeah. It’s bullshit and you know it . . .

That’s a Positive.

Test 2: Chews

PM (Conspiratorially): How do you think we should deal with all these Chews?

YOU: Oh, I don’t know, each to their own. But it is irritating that you can’t walk down (name local street) without stepping on them. Apparently the best solution is steaming.

PM (Brightening): Steaming, I hadn’t heard that! But what if they fight?

YOU: How can gum fight …oh, you mean Jews! That’s all bullshit and you know it…

That’s another Positive.

Test 3: Ad Hominem

PM (furtively): Of course (any non-Moonbat leader) does bad things because he/she is under the control of (Halliburton, the (US-only) Oil Lobby, GWB, or The Chews).

YOU: How do you know?

PM: Because otherwise they wouldn’t do bad things!

YOU: That’s all bullshit and you know it…

Another Positive!

Test 4: The P J O’Rourke Test

This is a free form verbal test. Think FFKW Not AAKS.

Your PM will:

Fervently Favor Killing (they may say terminating, letting slip away) the Weak (unborn babies, sick people, peasants, oppressed peoples), AND

Absolutely Against Killing the Strong (convicted murderers, war criminals, genocidal dictators etc).

So run them through this and if you get a Positive, chuck ’em on the heap!

STEP 2: SLIP YOUR MOONBAT AWAY

Starvation and dehydration is the way your Moonbat likes to end its days. As their
House Journal explains.

“Starvation Death Not Painful”

“From the data that is available, it is not a horrific thing at all,” Dr. Linda Emanuel, the founder of the Education for Physicians in End-of-Life Care Project at Northwestern University, told the New York Times. “In fact, declining food and water is a common way that terminally ill patients end their lives, because it is less painful than violent suicide and requires no help from doctors,” the paper reports.

The Times also cites Dr. Sean Morrison, a professor of geriatrics and palliative care at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York, who insists that starvation victims “generally slip into a peaceful coma.”

“It’s very quiet, it’s very dignified – it’s very gentle,” he adds.

So, pop your pesky Moonbat into any handy Moonbat-proof container – an old Abrams tank will do – leave to cure for 2 weeks, and Bingo! Use your dessicated Moonbat as a garden ornament, or cut it up and share as “Must Have” desk ornaments with friends, family and the Secretary of Defense! Or, if you’re in Europe, sell it to your local art gallery – thar’s gold in tham thar Moonbats!

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EU Human Rights Watch

March 21, 2005
Allie

Provided through Slate, and produced by Eric Allie of the Pioneer press, hat tip NoPasaran.