Future Highlights

April 30, 2005

When service is resumed, look for:

1. A complete categorization of everything into the ETF Ecosystem, with a special category for Science (Lancet is a Doug Piranha).

2. The European part of Kierkegaard, including the conversion of France to South Kent and the Brit/Spanish War of Flossie’s Ear.

3. The Asian part of It Could Happen To The US, including the Japan/China War and the exodus of the Israelis to Australia.

4. The next Granita Tape, featuring the horrific Chirac Paunch Burst scene and the return of Gordon the Rat.

The only thing is, it might not be in English.


Road Trip

April 30, 2005

As mentioned earlier, Mrs G and I fly out in the morning to an extended foreign language course. We may find ourselves in a broadband & hotspot-free zone.

Still the cooking will be good, and I’ll be able to keep everybody laughing, laughing with my Chirac/Schroeder/Giuliana Sgrena jokes.

Worst case, I’m back on line on May 17, by which time the following should have happened.

1. The White House will have taken the RINOs on the Senate Judiciary Committee to the woodshed and John Bolton will be nominated. Not that the UN matters, but the Man has to show who is in charge.

2. Blair will probably have been elected, but by a slim enough majority to have him hand over to Brown. Who might just refuse to sign up on the Euro Constitution. Either way, we’ll know where we are.

3. Volker will have pulled the plug on Annan.

It Could Happen To The US (2)

April 30, 2005

Since I may not be able to blog from Darkest EU, it seems fair to complete the thought experiment on what an America-hating President Hillary Rodham might do after election in 08.

This one deals with US developments: I’ll post separate ones on Asia and Europe when I return.

The earlier post ended with:

20. Iran demands that all Jews vacate Israel. President Rodham joins with Jane Fonda to ask the Israelis to “give peace a chance”. After Israel refuses, Iran detonates nuclear weapons over Tel Aviv and Jerusalem, killing 40% of Israelis. France obtains a UN resolution demanding Israelis show realism and depart, and threatens them with French nuclear forces.Surviving Israelis execute Operation Masada, destroying 32 Arab cities and Paris.

21. Oh, and ex-Senator Joseph Biden is appointed AU Anti-Corruption Czar with a big office in Montreal.

To continue.

22. In preparation for the 2012 election, the FCC rules that blogs are political speech and so regulated by McCain-Feingold. Google, stating that it will “Do No Evil”, shuts down Blogspot. The ABA threatens the remaining blog hosting services with class actions for the recovery of damages for “fundamentalist hate speech”. On legal advice, these services shut down. The remaining right-wing blogs move their services and in some cases themselves to the democratic refuges of Australia, Iraq, Afghanistan and, after its revolution, to the UK.

23. The Canadian Supreme Court rules in favor of the “honor killing” of a Canadian Muslim teenager by her brothers for walking in public with a fellow male student. The CSC finds the killers innocent, on the grounds that they were were following the dictates of Islam’s ‘divinely ordained justice’.

24. Elsewhere, the US Supreme Court rules that the First Amendment rights of bloggers have not been curtailed, pointing out that they can always be employed by “proper” media. Following this ruling, many lefty bloggers are hired by the revitalized MSM.

25. By 2012, all members of the earlier Bush administration are either in Canadian jails, or at the Hague facing the International Court of Justice, together with over 10,000 other former members of the US military indicted by that court for war crimes. The Republican challenge to President Rodham is mounted by ex-Governor Mark Warner of Virginia, running with Colin Powell.

26. Rodham wins, although only 35% of voters go to the polls. Dimocrats gain control of both houses.

27. British military units that fled to the US to escape the Blair purges of 2005-2007 return to the UK to participate in the revolution.

28. UN Secretary General Mugabe is the first to welcome Rodham’s election and her commitment to “add another 18 floors to the UN building”.

29. Shortly after the election, a 10 year old muslim girl is hanged from a cherry picker in a Toronto shopping mall for “moral crimes against Islam’s divinely ordained justice”. The child has been raped by an uncle, and their mother supported the execution. Canadian shoppers ignore the incident, but Australian, British, Japanese, Afghan and Iraqi public opinion is outraged and demands reference to the AU Supreme Court.

30. Sitting in emergency session, the AUSC rules the executions unlawful, since they violate the “right to privacy” of the executioners and their families. The Court further rules that in future, within the AU, such executions should take place privately, using the traditional penalty for adultery. Felons should be buried up to their breasts and then stoned using stones that “should not be large enough to kill the woman by one or two strikes, nor should they be so small that they could not be defined as stones”. To deal with the execution of children, the Court changes the reference to “breasts” to “6 inches below shoulders”. It further requires that such executions take place in recognized holy places and that felons should be sedated with morphine.

31. The ACLU pronounces satisfaction with a verdict that “respects religious diversity”. Spokespersons from the Canadian and US womens’ movements also voice support, saying “this is all about the mother’s right to choose, and she chose death for her child before dishonor. We respect her choice”.

32. In 2013, the Department of Commerce reports that the US economy has shrunk by 45% since 2008. Unemployment is at 25% and the Dow is at 3000. Social conditions resemble the Great Depression. President Rodham promises a “New Deal”.

33. Canadian police arrest two 13 year old girls in San Jose, CA and take them to Canada for trial and execution by the Islamic community – the children had been forced by their relatives to work as prostitutes. The NYT opines in an article headlined “It Takes a Village” that “The rioting in San Diego reflects the persistent racism of American people”. They conclude that “The Israeli destruction of the nations and holy places of Islam demand atonement by the American people”.

34. Mass emigration begins to Australia and the newly liberated UK.

35. British and Australian media report serious insurrections in California.

36. The talks on the restoration of Alaska following the “one-sided US purchase” drag on. As a gesture of good faith, the US dismantles its Alaskan BMD. Russia demands compensation for all the oil pumped under US occupation, and the US concedes this in principle.

37. The Hispanic insurgency in the 4 border states grows, following the suppression by the Border Patrol of attempts by local citizens to “illegally take the law into their own hands”.

38. In early 2014, the nation mourns the death of ex-President Carter. While officiating at Groundhog Day he is savaged to death by Punxsutawney Phil. The assailant is shot by the Secret Service. London’s Sun tabloid publishes pictures of the savaging under the headline “Gotcha”. The UK and US mutually withdraw their ambassadors, and the UK suspends aid shipments.

39. By 2015, unemployment reaches 40%. Power rationing is extended to Manhattan, causing the infamous “Gucci Riots”.

40. In early 2005, Condoleezza Rice dies of dehydration in a Canadian prison, after the courts decide that she would not wish to survive following a coma induced while in custody.

41. In a speech widely reported around the world, but not in the US, ex-Governor Schwarzenegger says:

“People have no jobs. That’s bad. Children are being killed. That’s bad. Our borders are wide open. That’s bad. Our Courts and Lawmakers are out of control. That’s bad. This is not the America I came to and that was so good to me. We should take America back”.

Following a series of uniquely Californian electoral maneuvers, Schwarzenegger is re-elected Governor. His first action is to close the borders with the rest of the US.

42. Other states follow to form the Greater US Union, and the Second Civil War begins. This time, Mexico and Canada are engaged. After 3 bloody years, the death of 5 million people and the destruction of Washington DC, Ottawa, Mexico City and Los Angeles, the Greater US Union prevails.

43. The Greater US includes the 5 western provinces of the old Canada plus the northernmost former Mexican states. Britain adopts the Eastern former Canadian provinces. Quebec is ceded to the Indian tribes on condition that it is available as a Moonbat Reservation (see below).

44. At a constitutional convention in Philadelphia, delegates agree a number of constitutional amendments to limit the socially destructive forces that brought ruin upon the nation. These include:

– All candidates for electoral office should either have hard science or engineering degrees (the Maggie clause), or have run a real business (the “W” clause), or have served their nation in harm’s way in the police, military or firefighters (the Ike clause).

– Candidates from professions centered on dishonesty are excluded from office, notably lawyers and some journalists and accountants.

– Candidates if either married or civil-unionized must still live with their first partner.

– The judiciary is reformed, with term limits of 8 years and the requirement that all judgments shall be made by a jury. All current judges must stand for re-election.

– Tenure is criminalized in all professions.

– The federal tax take shall be via a flat tax, not to exceed 15%.

– Paid lobbying is made illegal.

– No foreign quasi-government entity shall be located in the Greater US.

– English is made the official language of the Greater US, and citizenship or residence requires fluency.

– The state religion of the Greater US is defined as Christianity. All other religions are encouraged, provided that they do not violate Christian behaviors.

– Citizens unwilling to abide by the new Constitution are to be transported to new Moonbat Reservations, where they will subsists on social security, but not allowed to re-enter the Greater US.

– A review of all laws made under the Dimocrats that violate the above is to be carried out, and offending laws are struck down.

45. The new capital city is established in Minneapolis, approximately the center of the Greater US.

46. The UN HQ is transferred to Sudan, in spite of serious rioting by high-end New York restaurateurs. (The Wold Bank and IMF have already been vaporized with Washington, and re-headquartered in Aberystwyth, Wales).

47. Following adoption of these resolutions and a Republican landslide, President Schwarzenegger visits Moscow in Air Force II (a stretched B-2 bomber, fully loaded). After a private conversation with Czar Putin, both announce that Russia has renounced all claims to Alaska.

48. The Greater US withdraws from NATO and forms the center of the Anglosphere Defensive Alliance with the UK, Australia, New Zealand, India and free South Africa. Virgin Anglo, the Rutan/Branson sub-orbital airline, starts services between the US, the UK, India and Australia, with maximum journey times of 2 hours.

49. Moonbat Reservations are created in Cancun and its surroundings; parts of the former Quebec; and, by British agreement, in Tuscany Italy. Heart rending scenes follow, as members of the former regime and its supporters are electronically tagged and shipped out to perpetual irrelevance.

50. The US economy expands to its 2008 size within 5 years, and becomes the largest in the world within 10.

51. The world is at peace, for a while.

Late Spring in the Southern (2)

April 30, 2005

It’s 80 degrees, cloudless sky.

Mrs. G and her retinue of lizards are sunning themselves in the yard.

The farmers here just cut the hay (in England that gets done in June).

Last night we heard the first cricket/locust.

Tomorrow we head out for a two week language course in another part of the Southern EU. I guess it’ll be Summer when we’re back.

Talabani’s Tribute

April 29, 2005

Brits, including the son of a neighbor, died creating and defending the Kurdish safe haven after the Gulf War. Iraq’s Kurdish President Talabani gives thanks for this in a letter to Tony Blair (from The Sun via normblog and American Future). I’m posting it as a tribute to the dead. It’s a bit too nice to Blair, but you may find it worth reading.

Now the democratically-elected parliament has honoured me, a Kurd, with the post of Presidency. This is a symbol of the promise, integration and unity of the new Iraq.

Let nobody mislead you, the Iraq that we inherited in April 2003, following the British and American-led liberation, was a tragedy.

The Ba’athist criminals had starved the country of an infrastructure and the people of their freedom.

Apart from the Kurdish safe haven, Iraq was a playground for thugs and a prison for the innocent.

Saddam’s war against the Iraqi people was on-going; we have evidence which demonstrates that the regime was executing its challengers until the last days of its rule.

It was that war, lasting almost forty years, which was the true war of Iraq.

We have all heard of the genocide, gassing, ethnic cleansing, mass murder and the environmental vandalism of the territory of Iraq’s historic Marsh Arabs.

We understand that there is no turning the clock back. Instead, we press ahead with democratisation and justice.

Unfortunately, Saddam’s former henchmen and religious extremist associates have chosen to fight their losing battle, which in turn has made post-liberation Iraq less stable than we would have wished.

Yet true Iraqis have largely shunned the terrorists, and their cowardly acts are increasingly becoming limited and confined to certain areas.

Millions of brave Iraqis defy terrorism and reject dictatorship every day, without fuss, and certainly without attention from the television cameras.

We undertake to rebuild a shattered country scarred by decades of tyranny. With unwavering resolve we support plurality, egalitarianism, and the political process.

Building a democratic federal Iraq is a difficult, and slow, but rewarding process.

Those who doubt the swiftness of transition must keep in mind that a state such as Iraq is a cultural, ethnic and linguistic mosaic that was only ever held together by brute force, thus, political speed can kill.

Nevertheless, January saw Iraq’s first free and open general election, leading to the first democratically-elected government of our desolate history.

Yet our struggle for a better, emancipated Iraq is only due to the consistent and unwavering support of Prime Minister Blair, the British people, and the coalition of the willing.

For many Iraqis, the positive role that Britain has played is a welcome change.

From our colonial master, Britain has become our democratic guardian.

In 1991 I saw at first hand how Prime Minister John Major, fresh from the liberation of Kuwait, bravely led the way in implementing a safe-haven for Iraqi Kurdistan.

For 12 years, heroic RAF pilots, with the support of neighbouring Turkey, flew in Kurdish skies to prevent Saddam from completing the anti-Kurdish genocide that he had started in 1987.

We were finally able to start rebuilding the 4,500 villages destroyed by Saddam’s regime and to begin the process of nurturing civil society and democracy.

And now thanks to Prime Minister Blair’s courageous and principled decisions, we can recreate this throughout Iraq.

Of course the liberation of Iraq has been controversial, as all wars should be.
Sadly in this case, war was not the “best” option, it was the only option.

Under Saddam, war was never controversial, never discussed, simply ordered and executed by him and his thugs.

Iraqis sometimes wonder in amazement what the debate abroad is about. Why do people continue to ask why no WMD was found?

The truth is that Saddam had, in the past, used chemical and biological weapons against his own people, and we believed he would do so again.

Of course Saddam himself was, in the view of those who opposed him, Iraq’s most dangerous WMD.

Instead of continually focusing on the negative, the British, who will soon commemorate the 60th anniversary of VE day, should know that in the eyes of the majority of Iraqis, it was you who brought us our own victory day.

Britain should be proud that the liberation of Iraq has in our eyes been one of your finest hours.

History will judge Prime Minister Blair as a champion against tyranny. Of that I have no doubt.

We are not reticent about expressing our great thanks to the British people and paying homage to tragic British losses.

Every Iraqi family, in fact, has lost a loved one because of Saddam. Every Iraqi understands the pain of conflict, the grief that accompanies war.

We honour those who sacrificed their lives for our liberation. We are determined out of respect to create a tolerant and democratic Iraq, an Iraq for all the Iraqi people.

It will take time and much patience, but I can assure you it will be worth while, not only for Iraq, but for the whole of the Middle East.

Weasel Words

April 29, 2005

Via Opinion Journal we learn (I’ve edited out some Heavy German Humor):

The inhabitants of the island of Lemnos are considering sending out a distress call for German weasels to rid the island of a plague of wild rabbits.

Government restrictions on hunting are preventing the farmers from fighting back.

Enter the Weasel Squad…or at least this is where they would enter if they weren’t just so expensive to hire. “I’ve heard that each one costs about 4,400 euros ($5706),” Baveas sighed. “We would need at least 10 weasels,” he dejectedly added.

Lemnos is obviously a bit out of it. German weasels besides costing a great deal, will insist on being fed enormous amounts of odd food in gloomy restaurants, squeal horrible Europop, lecture the Lemnosites on how hard done by German weasels are. And then side with the rabbits.

The Lemnosites would do much better with British Ferrets, currently laying waste to New Zealand. All they need is plenty of rabbits and the opportunity to engage the plucky locals in the bracing sport of Ferret Legging.

The ETF Ecosystem: Kierkegaards

April 29, 2005

Here are the first entries in the Kierkegaard section of the ETF Ecosystem. Kierkegaards are false friends that burrow away at the foundations of our societies. They also bite the heads off whippets.

Denmark (For spawning Kierkegaard)
Saudi Arabia

John Kerry
Tony Blair

The US Supreme Court
The Brit Law Lords
Greenpeace and rest of the Global Warming crowd

Readers are invited to suggest additions and deletions. However, the editor’s decision will be final.