The Ethel The Frog fable from Monty Python’s Flying Circus provides an exact metaphor for human misbehavior. It will henceforward be used on DU to categorize blogs, nations, institutions and people.
The ETF Ecosystem defines six levels of malfeasance, going from Very Good to Very Bad.
Spiny Norman – Very Good
A giant hedgehog who lives in a hangar at Luton Airport (like Newark but worse). Spiny’s nose-to-tail length varies between 12 feet and 800 yards. He stalks Dinsdale Piranha, Godzilla fashion, through the City of London, growling “Dinsdale?” in an irritated sort of way.
Superintendent Harry ‘Snapper’ Organs – Good
A Scotland Yard copper who pursues the evil Piranha brothers in a series of disguises including one as Ratty from Wind in the Willows.
Victims – Mostly Harmless
Dinsdale nails the heads of male victims to floors, while female victims have their heads nailed to coffee tables. He also screws people’s pelvises to cake stands. His victims consider Dinsdale to be “cruel but fair”. Doug’s victims are grown men, see below, and are not available for comment.
Criminologist – Somewhat Bad
He says:” It is easy for us to judge Dinsdale Piranha too harshly. After all he only did what many of us simply dream of doing…(tic…controls himself) I’m sorry. After all a murderer is only an extroverted suicide.”
Kierkegaard – Fairly Bad
A member of Dinsdale’s gang who silently bites the heads off whippets (a breed of small greyhound).
Dinsdale Piranha – Bad
Dinsdale bribes the police to lend him a tank and tactical nuclear weapon to use in his protection racket. He also uses a thermonuclear device for a fruitless assault on Spiny’s hangar. The detonation causes a great deal of inconvenience in the Luton area. On the other hand Dinsdale takes his mother flowers and knows how to treat a female impersonator.
Doug Piranha – Very Bad
Grown men pull their own heads off rather than face Doug’s brutal use of sarcasm, dramatic irony, metaphor, bathos, puns, parody, litotes and satire.