Britain is to let 25 million free-range chickens stay outdoors because the Government believes that a duck that died of bird flu in France was not heading for the Channel.
The Brit government would have used the following clues to figure out the duck’s vacation plans.
1. It was not fleeing community-exclusion, because its feathers were not ” all stubby and brown“.
2. No red-blooded duck would travel to a nation that expostulates “Cor, love a duck!” – the less well-known Vice Anglais. (Common in old Brit movies and certain parts of Notting Hill – the expression, I mean).
3. No duck is going to make it through France without being converted into confit de cuisses canard.
4. Ducks know they’re 50% of the menu in low-beamed Brit pubs, which prominently advertise “Duck or Grouse“.
Sorry, couldn’t stop myself, won’t happen again.