On Starving Crocodiles

The current state of the Gandalf household illustrates why giving money to terrorists merely leads them to kill more people. From which it follows that the US, EU and the likes of Norway should keep their money.

Right now, I am attempting to gain weight in order to avoid the nagging I get from Southern European ladies. “Ah! You are too thin!” they cry, critically inspecting my admittedly sparse features. And, being Southern European, they don’t just mention it once then let the matter drop, but bring it up at every conceivable opportunity.

Hence my weight gain program – a dietary modification that adds about 1500 calories to an already substantial level.

The weight effect is zero.

Instead, I now find myself driven each day to rise at an unearthly hour for a scenic run. Fueled by all the extra calories, it doesn’t really seem worth going to all that trouble for just 4 miles, so I find myself running 12 miles. Up 400 foot hills. Easily.

So the food just reinforces the existing tendency to burn energy.

The fragrant Mrs G offer a contrast. She, despite looking very toothsome, suntanned and well formed, has decided, as wives do, to lose weight. Some time back she adopted a diet that would, if fed to a a Gitmo inmate, have her characterized as a torture victim by the New York Times.

The effect after several months? Zero. Nada. Niente.

However, she has become more measured in her pace, and has allowed our Southern Med courtyard to adopt the English “wild” style. Her vast menagerie of plants now grows unpruned, so that the best man (or, in this case, plant) wins. The Plumbago has become particularly insolent.

In summary, the effect of increasing energy input has been to cause me to become more energetic, while decreasing energy input has made Mrs G reduce energy output, in both cases with weight being conserved.

This offers an insight into the pathology of Palestinian culture. Giving them money simply causes them to spend it on the things they’re accustomed to – guns, violence, and corruption.

Mrs G (as she frequently does) points the way to a better life. If we gave them no money, they would have less guns, be less violent, and while no doubt still just as corrupt, would be less fat on that corruption.

And that would encourage them to use the greenhouses the Israelis left them in Gaza for growing the intended tomatoes, rather than as places to launch rockets on Israeli civilians.

Critics will argue that the Iranians will take up the slack, making the Palestinian polity even nastier. But Iran, being an Islamic theocracy, is also very poor. And anyway, it’s hard to see how the Palestinians could become more unpleasant neighbors than they are at present.

So, we should starve the lot – Fatah, Hamas, Hezbollah, Iran – and reap the benefit of a kinder, gentler MidEast.

We could call it The Mrs Gandalf Diet.


2 Responses to On Starving Crocodiles

  1. Can you believe what Carter has to say about Hamas now. Even after his January, 2006 plea to “give Hamas a chance.”

    Carter said the American-Israeli-European consensus to reopen direct aid to the new government in the West Bank, but to deny the same to the Hamas-controlled Gaza Strip, represented an “effort to divide Palestinians into two peoples.”

    More poop about Carter nonsense here: http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?cid=1181813074587&pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull


  2. gandalf says:


    Carter he has a point – we can un-divide Hamas and Fatah by not giving a brass cent to either.

    I’m sure he’d welcome that.

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